"Gramma, I want to make a WHOLE WORLD."

Productive vs. Unproductive Worrying

Soon after the election, I picked up my four-year-old granddaughter from school. At home, she made a beeline to the room with the dollhouse, blocks, and trains I’d saved for decades, hoping I would be lucky enough to have a grandchild.

 “Gramma!!!” she exclaimed, pulling out all the bins and boxes, “I want to make a WHOLE WORLD!!!” 

Kneeling on the rug, she built with focus and intensity, stacking blocks for houses, fitting wooden train tracks together, setting up a playground for tiny figures to swing and seesaw.  A complete world emerged, trains clicking along the track, wooden trees becoming miniature forests, toy horses romping in pastures, their high whinnies voiced by this small person. 

I sat back, observing her immersion in this universe of her own creation; it was idyllic, halcyon and…bittersweet, given what I fear is ahead.

I want that world for her, for all the children on our planet, where trains never derail spilling toxic chemicals, playgrounds and schools are safe from gunfire, bombs don’t fall from the sky, no one goes hungry.  It is so hard not to despair, imagining what is to come.

As we face that onslaught, I’d like to share a useful tool.

PRODUCTIVE VS. UNPRODUCTIVE WORRYING

In the current moment, there are so many ominous portents. We know bad things will happen. We don’t know exactly what they will be, or when.  I am not suggesting we be unrealistic or passive; it’s just that creating a cataclysmic future world in our imagination doesn’t really help us prepare.

Consider what makes you anxious, then create a list. Decide if each worry is productive (can lead to an action) or unproductive (there’s nothing you can do about it right now).  Color code your answers, if you like, to provide a useful visual.

Our worries can become stories about the future, narratives attempting to control what we fear.  Creating this dark imagined world, without the ability to know, absolutely, if it will come true, ramps up our central nervous system.  We feel helpless in the face of these narratives, as though they are real. 

This is a common coping mechanism for those with previous trauma.  For kids in traumatic situations, especially those who don’t have adults to count on, sometimes it’s the only way to cope, “I will be prepared for the worst.”  

We can find other ways to handle challenges. 

For example, having canned food and bottled water, extra batteries, trimming large branches over your house are useful during hurricane season. Spending inordinate amounts of time worrying about hurricane season does not protect you.

Trust, that by small reasonable actions, you will have the necessary resources to mount a response if something bad happens. 

What are some of those resources? 

Your strength and courage, along with community.  Anyone who has been through a storm knows that afterwards, neighbors help each other.

One of my favorite quotes is courtesy of Mr. Rogers, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” 

Helpers act when bad things happen.  We are not alone, and we can be helpers, too.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNITY

Community nourishes us. Today, I attended a meeting of a new Indivisible group in my town, held in the outdoor space of a local restaurant.  Over fifty people showed up, all wanting to oppose the incoming administration. Folks also needed to just be together, in solidarity. Sharing fear and determination to act, lending each other courage and support, made a difference. Seeing all those faces, the kids running around, helped alleviate some anguish.

Find your people, in real life, rather than online, if you can.

We will push back on those who would hurt children or separate them from their families, take away their healthcare and access to food, refuse to protect children from gun violence. 

In our quest to make a whole world, we will work to make the world whole.

P.S. WHERE WILL YOU FIND COMMUNITY?

If you haven’t heard of Indivisible, look now.  There are Indivisible groups in every state, in many counties in those states. If not, start your own. Today’s group happened because one person put out the call on Mobilize. You can also find your people there.

Joining with others, feeling supported, helping each other, can get us through what will be a difficult path ahead. Most Indivisible groups offer action items, which will help turn those worries into productive action. 

(Just now, I just got an email from someone in my Indivisible group about postcards to write for a Mississippi State Supreme Court race. Check out postcardstovoters.org for more information.  I connected with some of my favorite activist friends when we me met as strangers, to write postcards together in a coffee shop.)