Liminal Spaces and Transitions

How do we retain a sense of agency without control?

Liminal spaces are uncomfortable, their uncertainty difficult to tolerate in our desire to shape our lives as we wish. Many of us have been at an airport gate as our flight was delayed repeatedly, the airlines not sharing information. We can easily remember the anxiety of feeling powerless to know when, or if, we might reach our destination.

I experienced a profound liminal space these past few weeks. It was painful to sit with an uncertain timeline, even as the eventual ending was without question.

My mother, who was almost 93 and had profound dementia, fell a few weeks ago. It soon became clear that she would not recover from the fall; in many ways that was a gift. Her body had far outlived any spark of self; in recent months she hadn’t recognized me. I have been grieving her loss for years.

And yet as my sister and I sat, holding vigil at her bedside, the trajectory was unknown, even as there was surety in the ending. The days went by, seemingly endless, with no idea of how long it would take for her to die.

I wanted to know with certainty when the suffering would end. I had to remind myself repeatedly to stay in the present moment, to be with her as she lived her last days. The anxiety of not knowing challenged my capacity to remain emotionally present. I tried to be intentional in rejecting a sense of powerlessness at the unpredictability of her course. When I succeeded, I felt better. While I cared for her as best I could as she was dying, I had to accept that I could not control when she would die.

Collectively, we are in such a moment now and will be for a good long time. The unknown, the sense of lack of control is terrifying. We will need to intentionally work to stay present for ourselves and each other, even as the centrifugal force of the crazily spinning incoming administration threatens to tear our world apart.

The X On The Map: You Are Here In a Time of Transition

This is the moment of liminality. Our democracy and our planet seem imperiled, even as we don’t know the ending.

The death of our democracy is not foretold; the climate will continue to reveal its intent. If we can tolerate the unknown, there is work to be done.

Liminal spaces can also be transitional spaces, bringing forth a new reality. Transitions can be the beginning of something new.

Birth can be a dangerous process, sometimes deadly, often painful and traumatic. During human labor, the “transition” stage is the most painful and intense, the final stretch (literally!) allowing a new being to emerge.

We are here, in transition for the next four years, working towards a final push out of darkness that will take all our efforts.

Can you shift the frame to see this as a time of potential change? Can you sit with uncertainty, stay true to yourself, have a sense of agency and continue your efforts towards healing the world?

The arc of the moral universe won’t bend towards justice without all of us jumping on it, pulling on it, screaming as we use all our strength to shift that sucker. It will feel scary and risky and messy, as birth often is.

When John Lewis was beaten that first time he crossed the Edmund Pettis Bridge, he didn’t know what the future would hold. He did it anyway.

What are your choices in this moment?

Being In Service to the Wholeness in Life

Find a place you can make change. Be in service to the world in some way, serving helps us retain a sense of agency. Staying present in a time of great uncertainty, framing this liminal space as a transitional space permits action, rather than feeling paralyzed in despair.

Rachel Remen MD, in her book “My Grandfather’s Blessings,” writes, “We do not serve the weak or the broken. What we serve is the wholeness in each other and the wholeness in life. The part in you that I serve is the same part that is strengthened in me when I serve. Unlike helping and fixing and rescuing, service is mutual…”

There are many needs in the world to address. In your community, is there a food bank, diaper bank, PORCH food drop-off you can connect with? Is there a shelter for unhoused people that needs servers? Is there a friend who needs a walk, a visit, a connection? Can you bring a meal to someone who would appreciate it? Mentor a younger person? You may be surprised at the mutual benefit of your action, which serves yourself as well as the other.

Thinking back to unproductive vs. productive worrying, what can you do to be of service? Is there a way to shift feeling helpless into feeling helpful?

Consider the different responses you might have at that imaginary airport gate. Would you scream at the gate agent, and/or help the solo mom traveling with hungry, tired little children?

For Activists: Think Local

Get to know your local and state government. Who represents you? What is on the docket? Many voters in North Carolina aren’t aware that a coup occurred in the state legislature after the election, or that the Supreme Court Race has not been decided. Democrats won at the state level, but their wins are being challenged across the board. It is imperative to pay attention locally, not just every four years for Presidential elections.

Local and state races determine national outcomes. Ben Wikler, head of the Wisconsin Democratic Party who is now running for DNC chair, describes such a situation from NC here (at about 13:22). The entire interview is worth watching, as he lays out an inspiring vision for a path forward. If you are feeling helpless, listening to Ben Wikler might inspire hope. I would be delighted if he were elected DNC chair.

What You Can Do Today: Pick One.

1. Find a new local/state news source. For example, Courier Newsroom is dedicated to local journalism with an emphasis on democracy, currently with outlets in 11 states, including North Carolina, Florida and Texas. Sign up for one of their newsletters, especially if you live in a state they serve. Search Substack or Bluesky for local and state reporters. Subscribe to your local paper.

2. Call your Senator about cabinet nominees. If you don’t want to talk to a person, call after hours and leave a message. Remember to include your name and zip code. From Chop Wood, Carry Water, a script: “In light of the recent terrorist attack in New Orleans and the rising threat of domestic terrorism in general, I want the Senator to vocally oppose the confirmations of Pete Hegseth for Secretary of Defense, Tulsi Gabbard for Director of National Intelligence, and Kash Patel to run the FBI. We need leaders in these positions who understand how to protect Americans, both here and abroad, and desire to do so. None of these nominees meets those qualifications. Hegseth has virtually no management experience and a checkered history, Patel is focused on vengeance for Trump, and Gabbard is a Russian stooge. These people won’t protect us. They will, in fact, put us in danger. I expect the Senator to vote no.”

3. I would also add RFK Jr., “As cases of whooping cough, a deadly illness killing 1/100 of those infected are spiking , do we really want to abolish vaccinations, as RFK would have us do? This disease is preventable by vaccination. Why would we endanger ourselves and our children? I expect the Senator to vote no.”

ps thanks to Joyce, Jeanette, Wendy, Denise, Linda, Rachel and Mary Jane for your thoughts on this piece. Community is wonderful.